Full Metal Alchemist: Truth or Dare
by cletluvsfullmetal
Summary: The cast of Full Metal Alchemist plays truth or dare! A new character comes in with each chapter!
1. Al has an Idea

**Full Metal Alchemist Truth or Dare!**

**This is my first fan fiction… FINALLY… so be gentle. It will be random. You have been warned.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Full metal Alchemist. I'M WORKING ON IT, OK?**

It was an ordinary, boring, normal day in the town of Resembool. In the Rockbell house Edward Elric, everyone's favorite shrimp, was sleeping on the couch. With his stomache exposed… again. Pinako was in a chair smoking her pipe, and Winry was working on Ed's automail.

And suddenly, Al comes bursting through the front door with his big tin can body. "Hey everybody let's do something fun!" he screams with sparkles in his "eyes".

With all this commotion, Ed awoke and yelled, "I DIDN'T TAKE THE COOKIES FORM THE COOKIE JAR, I SWEAR!" Winry leapt up and started beating the nearest person with a wrench (which happened to be Ed). And Pinako just sat there. Because she is cool like that.

"What in the hell are you yelling about, Al?" Ed whined, rubbing the many lumps on his head from Winry's wrench of doom.

"I said we should do something FUN!" Al repeated, gleefully jumping up and down, rattling the entire house.

"Why? I'm busy, go outside and play with some cats or something," Ed replied.

"I'm going to ignore the fact that sleeping isn't really considered being busy, and say, because I'm bored! And besides, there are no kitties around here anyway," Al whined.

Ed sighed, scratched his head, and said, "Fine, what do you want to do?"

"YAY!" Al went and grabbed Ed, Winry, and Pinako and placed them in a circle in the middle of the room. "We are going to play a magical game called… truth or dare!" Al said as if truth or dare was the coolest game anybody could ever play.

"Ooookkkk…" Ed, Winry and Pinako said slowly, backing away from Al in fear. "I'll go first! I dare… Brother, to eat this taco!" Al said randomly pulling out a taco from nowhere.

"Well that's a lame dare," Winry said, finally talking for the first time in the story. "Yeah what's so special about a taco?" Ed said. (Hey that rhymes!)

"It's a _special_ taco." Al whispered.

"Ok whatever floats your boat," Ed said. He took the taco and ate it in one bite. Then he spit it back out in a disgusting taco mess on the floor. "What is this crap? This isn't a taco, you lie!" Ed said pointing an accusing finger at his brother.

"Hehehe, I know! It's a taco made out of powdered milk that I painted with watercolors!" Al said, pulling out a watercolor set.

"AHHH! I've been poisoned with the most evil of all substances, milk!" Ed screamed, holding his throat. Al and Winry waited until Ed's little fiasco was done, and then ask him to do his dare. "Alright I dare Pinako to… wait a second… where the hell did that old hag go?" Ed said.

"Oh she left and nobody noticed cause she wasn't saying anything and she felt left out," Winry said stroking her precious wrench.

"Alrightly then, I dare Winry to give me her wrench!" Ed said, and then he rubbed his hands together and laughed evilly.

"Nooo! Not my precious! I will not give you my precious!" Winry backed away from Ed, hugging her precious wrenchclose to her.

"Haha! You have to! It's a dare!" Ed said triumphantly, pointing at her wrench. After a few minutes of senseless wrestling and violence, Ed had finally gotten Winry's wrench. "Ha! I am all powerful!" Ed held up the wrench and laughed manically.

"Ah, but Ed you forget!" Winry said evilly glaring at him with a creepy smile. "I always carry a spare!" Then she pulled out an even bigger wrench from her pocket. All Ed could say was, "I'm screwed," before getting beaten to unconsciousness. Winry, satisfied, smiled and sat back down. "Where were we?" she said gleefully.

"Y-you have to d-dare s-someone now," Al stuttered, cowering in fear for his life. "Right. Well since Ed is a little busy at the moment," she looked over at Ed's body sprawled on the floor and twitching. "I guess I have to choose you, Al. I dare you to draw make-up on Ed's face before he wakes up!" she blurted out the last part quickly then went into a fit of laughter.

"Okay!" Al took out a tube of bright red lipstick, some eyeliner, mascara, eye shadow, and all the works then applied them to Ed's face. He also added a red curly moustache with the lipstick for added fun.

Right after Al finished, Ed woke up. Unaware of his face's state, he sat up, rubbed his head gingerly and yelled, "Why the hell did you do that, Winry?" Then Winry and Al burst out into uncontrollable laughter. "What are you laughing at?"

Winry pulled out a mirror from nowhere with difficulty because she was laughing so hard, and held it infront of Ed's face. "NOOO! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BEAUTIFUL FACE?" Ed cried. " I'll kill you!"

But Winry and Al didn't notice because they were suffocating from laughter. Well not Al, because he can't suffocate.

**Ok! There is my first fan fiction. I feel very proud of myself. Sorry if it was short, I can't really tell how long it is when I'm writing it.**

**Every time you don't review; Ed gets hit with a wrench. Spare Ed's brain cells. Review.**


	2. Ballet and New Clothes

**Ok everyone sorry the last chapter sucked. I promise this one will be better because I am going to take my time on it and have my friends read it over.**

**Disclaimer- Again, I do not own Full metal Alchemist. If I did… it probably wouldn't be very good. I also do not own the 'I'm not wearing underwear today' song. I'm not sure who owns it.**

"Dang it, this stuff won't come off!" Ed said, trying to rub off the make up on his face.

"Hey, it's funnier that way! Don't try to rub it off!" Winry said, still laughing her head off. "Whose turn is it now? I forgot."

"It's my turn!" Al said happily, "I dare Brother to-" Al was cut-off in the middle of the sentence because someone, once again, broke down the door. This time is was… Roy Mustang!

"Fullmetal I need you to-" Roy started, but then seeing that everyone was sitting in a circle, and magically knowing that meant they were playing truth or dare, he jumped up for joy and yelled, "Are you guys playing truth or dare? I wanna play!"

"Ahhh! Why the hell are you here?" Ed screamed, hiding behind Al.

"Well I needed you to do something… like _cough_ my laundry _cough_… but screw that, I wanna play!" Roy replied.

"Ok, but it's really been more like dare. We haven't really been doing truth," Al said, scratching the back of his metal head.

"Whatever! I am the master at dares!" Roy said triumphantly. "I have never once turned down a dare!"

_This could be fun, if he never turns down a dare, I could make him do anything,_ Ed thought, rubbing his hands together evilly again.

Roy looked down at Ed and saw his face, which was still covered in make up. "Looking good, Fullmetal," he said as if Ed did this everyday.

"It was a dare!" Ed said, rubbing frantically his face.

"Ok, well back to my turn! As I was saying, I dare Brother to wear this shirt!" Al said, holding up a shirt that said 'Ed Like-a-the Potty'.

"What? Why are all you people picking on me!" Ed cried, cowering in a corner.

"Come on, you have to, it's a dare!" Roy said, cracking up, as Al dangled the hot-pink shirt with bright white letters in front of Ed's face.

"Fine!" Ed said, snatching the shirt from Al. He took off his black jacket and put the shirt on over his black under shirt. "Why are you carrying these things around with you Al? First you had the evil milk taco, then the watercolors, then the make up,and now this shirt? Where do you get these things?"

Al twiddled his thumbs, looked down at the floor, and said quietly, "Internet."

"Alright whatever, but now It's my turn! And I dare Mustang to dance around like a ballerina in a fluffy tutu!" Ed said, laughing maliciously.

So, with the tutu they magically acquired, Roy started dancing around the room like a ballerina. And, surprisingly, he was quite good at it. "Wow Mustang, your actually… good! Do you take lessons or something?" Ed said, while everybody watched in amazement as Roy danced perfect ballet.

"NO!" he yelled defensively, sitting back down. He crossed his arms and pouted.

"Ok, well it's your turn, Colonel Mustang," Winry pointed out.

"I dare Alphonse to sing the 'I'm not wearing underwear today' song!" Roy said, pointing at Al.

"But I'm really not wearing underwear. I can't wear underwear," Al stated.

"That's what makes it funny!" Roy said laughing.

"Uh ok," Al then began to sing, "I'm not wearing underwear today. No, I'm not wearing underwear today! Not that you probably care, much about my underwear, still nonetheless I gotta say… . that I'm not wearing underwear today!"

Roy burst out in uncontrollable fits of laughter and everyone else was silent, staring at Roy as if he had a pickle for a nose.

"What? That was hilarious!" Roy said still laughing his butt off.

"Yeah it was really special, I'm sure we'll all remember that for the rest of our lives. Ok Al, it's your turn," said Ed. (That rhymes also!)

"Yes! Ok I dare Winry to swap clothes with Brother!" said Al.

"Uh… how are we going to do that?" Winry asked.

"Hmm… everyone cover your eyes!" Al said, covering his eyes.

"Um how about they just go into separate rooms then throw their clothes out the door and someone can throw them into the other rooms?" Roy said.

"Works for me," Ed, Al, and Winry said together. So Winry went into her room and Ed went into the bathroom. After about a minute they threw their clothes out into the hallway.

Al went over and picked up Ed's clothes. "Um, Brother, I think you can keep your boxers," Al said, holding up Ed's boxers.

"Oh, right," he opened up the door a crack, then reached out and took back his boxers.

Al opened up Winry's door a crack and threw Ed's clothes in, then threw Winry's clothes in the bathroom that Ed was in.

After a few minutes they both came out. Ed was wearing Winry's black tank top, which didn't fit right because he was lacking… some things, her orange-red bandana, and her pants. Winry was wearing Ed's tight shiny pants, and his new 'Ed Like-a-the Potty' shirt, which was pretty random, since Winry's name isn't Ed. Al and Roy laughed extremely hard.

"Well at least I'm out of that 'Ed Like-a-the Potty' shirt," Ed sighed. "Ok Winry, It's your turn."

"Ok I'm going to try to ignore the fact that these clothes are way too tight and uncomfortable," Winry began, and Ed glared at her. "Hmm… I dare Ed to say 'Colonel Mustang is dead sexy' in a sexy voice!"

"What? I'm not going to do that!" Ed screamed.

"What? He can't do that!" Roy screamed.

"You have to, it's a dare!" said Al.

"Fine! Colonel Mustang is... dead sexy," Ed said, saying the last part too quiet and fast to understand.

"That was too fast! That wasn't a sexy voice, either!" Winry said, raising her wrench of utter destruction.

"Ah! Ok, ok!" Ed said in fear of his life. Then he stood up, put his hands on his hips, and said in a really sexy voice, "Colonel mustang is dead sexy... in a mini-skirt!" Then winked at Roy. (Remember Ed is in Winry's clothes and make up.)

Everyone was silent and had an expression of pure and utter horror on their face.

"That was the most disturbing… and creepy thing… I have ever seen or heard in my entire life," Roy said slowly.

"Uh yeah… how about we say that never happened," Winry said.

"Yeah," said Al.

"Works for me," said Ed.

"I'm scarred for life…" said Roy.

**Dang it, I hate saying 'so and so said' or 'said so and so' over and over but I have nothing better to say so you people are just going to have to deal with the repetitiveness! Ok, hopefully that chapter was better than the last one. I won't really know though unless you review! I believe it was longer, too.**

**Who will join the game in next chapter? Well I don't even know. But I'm probably going to have to think about that sooner or later.**

**Every time you don't review Ed makes Al leave a kitty in the rain. Save the kitties. Review.**


	3. Detergent and Cigarettes

**All right, I'm writing this chapter right after I wrote the last chapter because so many ideas popped into my head for this chapter right after I finished the last chapter. So, if you had reviews about wanting me to change or fix something, it won't be changed or fixed in this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: -in a nasally voice- Once again children I do not own the anime series known as Full Metal Alchemist.**

**And… ACTION! SOMEONE GET ME A DONUT!**

"Ok well moving on. It's your turn, Ed," Winry said.

"Ok! I dare-" Ed began, but he was cut-off, once again, by someone knocking down the door! "DANG IT WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?" Ed yelled.

"Hi! My name is Jean Havoc and I'm hear to tell you about the amazing world of laundry detergent!" Havoc said enthusiastically from the doorway, holding up a box of laundry detergent.

"Lieutenant Havoc? What are you doing here?" Roy asked.

"Ah! Colonel? Uh… I didn't say my name was Jean Havoc, I said my name was... Bob… Boberson…" Havoc said nervously.

"Oh! Well, hi Bob Boberson! What kind of detergent are you selling? Because, you see the one I'm using now always-"

"Mustang you idiot that's Lieutenant Havoc!" Ed interupted, slapping his hand to his forehead.

"What? No it's not, its Bob Boberson," Roy said, staring at Ed as if he was insane.

"What are you doing here, Lieutenant Havoc?" Al asked.

"What is with this Lieutenant Havoc stuff? Bob, please tell these people your name," Roy said.

"Actually Colonel this is Jean Havoc," Havoc confessed, slightly surprised by Roy's stupidity. "I'm here because I am a door-to-door salesmen in my free time."

"We're playing… uh… dare, I guess. Do you want to play?" Al asked hopefully.

"Heck yes!" Havoc said and sat down in a circle with everyone.

"Ok NOW it's my turn. I dare Havoc to go a week without smoking!" Ed said, taking the cigarette in Havoc's mouth and crushing it in his hand as he laughed maliciously.

"What? NOOOOOO! Don't deprive me of my little buddies!" Havoc cried, rubbing a pack of cigarettes against his face.

"Ha! Yes! Now give me all the cigarettes you have on you!" Ed said, holding out his hand.

Havoc cried and everyone watched in amazement as he pulled out packs of cigarettes from his pockets, shoes, sleeves, pants, and any other places a pack of cigarettes would fit. All together he had 20 packs of cigarettes on him.

"Lieutenant Havoc I think its time to admit you have a problem," Winry said, staring at the large pile of cigarette packs on the floor.

"And I will put this device on you, so whenever you come within 5 feet of anything tobacco related it will give you a small shock," said Ed, holding up a metal collar with flashing red lights on it.

"H-how small?" Havoc asked nervously.

"Let's find out!" Ed said like a small boy who just got a new train set and was going to try it out. He put the collar around Havoc's neck and switched it to 'on'.

"Nothings happen- AHHH!" Havoc screamed as the collar gave him a relatively large shock. Ed quickly turned the collar to 'off'.

"Ok, I want you to record what happens each day in a journal," Ed said, handing Havoc a journal.

"Um, why?" Roy asked.

"Because it wouldn't be funny if we don't know what happens!" Ed yelled at Roy. "We'll all meet back here in a week. You'll get your cigarettes back then, Havoc."

** 7 days later…**

Ed, Al, Winry, Roy, and Havoc were back in their usual circle in the Rockbell home. Havoc had gone 7 days without smoking, and he didn't look so good. After they took off the collar, Havoc hugged his knees against him and rocked back and forth muttering something about big purple hippos.

"Ok Havoc can we see your journal?" Ed asked, nervously staring at the twitching Lieutenant.

"LET GO OF MY EGGO!" he screamed at Ed.

"No Havoc, your journal," Roy said slowly as if talking to a 3 year old. Havoc shakily handed Roy his journal.

**Jean Havoc's Journal**

Day 1: Ha! This is going to be easy. I went the whole day without one cigarette! Sure I had a few cravings, but nothing I can't handle. You see this, guys? This is easy!

Day 2: Ok, today was a bit harder. But nothing I can't handle, I swear! I'm fine! Just dandy! No problems here!

Day 3: This is getting pretty hard. I had a few breakdowns today. But nothing a few slaps to the face didn't fix! I did walk by this guy that was smoking today and got shocked by this dang collar!

Day 4: I take back what I said before. I'm having some major problems here! I got shocked yet again today when I went into a bar! Man, people gave me some weird looks…

Day 5: WILL SOMEONE JUST GIVE ME A FRIGGIN' CIGARETTE?

Day 6: Hi! This is Jean! I'm not feeling very good right now. I'm going to go ask that nice old lady for a cigarette.

Day 7: One day I was walking down the street, and I saw a pretty pony! So I went up and petted the pretty pony's mane. It was soft like a bunny! Then I rode the pretty pony to a magical land of cigarettes! It was so pretty and magical!

"Um… that's quite an interesting week you had, Lieutenant Havoc," Winry said after she read the journal.

"GIVE ME LIBERTY, OR A BRAN MUFFIN!" Havoc yelled, standing up and putting his fist in the air.

"Right… I think we should give him back his cigarettes before he hurts someone," Al said.

Ed took out Havoc's cigarette packs from a cupboard and piled them in Havoc's lap. Havoc cried and hugged his precious cigarette packs. Then he took one out and smoked it. "Ok, so whose turn is it?" Havoc said casually, immediately going back to himself.

"Um, yours," Ed said, confused by Havoc's quick recovery.

"Ok. I dareRoy to do seven minutes in heaven with Ed!" said Havoc.

"WHAT THE HELL? ARE YOU INSANE?" Ed and Royscreamed, pointing at Havoc.

"Al please put them in the closet," Winry said smugly.

Al scooped up Ed and Roy and threw them into the nearest closet. He quickly shut the door and locked it. Havoc, Winry, and Al laughed as they heard banging and cursing on the other side of the door.

Inside the closet, Ed and Roy stopped banging on the door after about a minute, and just stood there glaring at each other.

"I'm not doing anything you think we're supposed to be doing in here, Fullmetal," Roy said, still glaring at Ed.

"What? And you think I want to?" Ed screamed in his face.

Then they were silent for a while, just standing in the dark closet.

Roy sighed then cleared his throat. "So…" he said casually, "How's the weather down there?"

"WELL HOWS THE WEATHER UP THERE, COLONEL SHIT?" Ed screamed in Roy's face again.

Back out side the closet, Havoc, Winry, and Al heard silence, then Ed yelling something about the weather.

"I wonder what there doing in there," Al said.

"I'm not sure I want to know," said Winry.

Seven minutes passed and Al let Ed and Roy out of the closet. "Have fun?" Havoc asked.

"SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE!" Ed screamed, waving a fist in Havoc's face.

**Third chapter is done! I don't know how long that was but it took me a while to write. My friend and I had fun coming up with things to put in this chapter. )**

**Every time you don't review someone calls Ed short. Save Ed's self-esteem. Review.**


	4. KoolAid and Raviloli

**I'm sick! I hate being sick. I've missed 3 days of school in a row and the make-up work is going to suck! Erg!**

**This chapter is going to be extra random so enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. Why does it have to be rubbed in my face every time I write a chapter? I also do not own Chef Boyardee. Or Kool-Aid.**

"Ok, well, Mustang it's your turn," said Al

"Right. I dare-" But Roy was cut-off, once again, by someone knocking down the door. This time it was… the Kool-Aid guy?

"OH YEAH!" The Kool-Aid guy yelled, raising his pitcher of Kool-Aid.

Everyone waited in silent confusion as the Kool-Aid guy looked around at everyone's expressions then slowly and nervously backed out of the room. Then… Riza Hawkeye ran through the door!

"Colonel Mustang! Lieutenant Havoc! You haven't been to work in two days! What have you been doing?" she yelled, raising her gun.

"Uh… playing truth or dare," Mustang said nervously, hiding behind Ed.

"Oh awesome, I want to play," she said, putting her gun back and taking a seat in the circle.

"Ok now it's my turn," said Mustang, "I dare Riza to wear a penguin suit whenever we're playing truth or dare!"

"Ok, whatever Colonel," she said, putting on the penguin suit they magically obtained.

"Another wonderful dare, Mustang," Ed said sarcastically as Roy laughed his head off at Riza in a penguin suit.

"Ok… well I dare Winry to shave her head! I'M TIRED OF YOU HAVING BETTER HAIR THEN ME!" Riza cried, pointing at Winry.

"Nooo!" Winry screamed. Then every one took out their trusty electric razors that they carried around with them everywhere.

"NOOO!" is all Winry could say before the buzzing and flying hair overtook her pleas.

"Do you realize how ugly I look right now?" Winry asked, standing there bald, wearing a pink shirt that said 'Ed Like-a-the Potty' and tight shiny pants.

"Oh my god Winry, like where did you get your shoes?" Ed said in a girly voice, staring at Winry's shows that he was wearing. When he got no answer, he looked up at everyone's shocked expressions. "What? These clothes bring out my feminine side!"

"Okkk…." Everyone said.

"Wait a second, there's been something in these pants the whole time and it's bugging me so bad!" Winry asked, looking down at her pants and shaking her pant leg. A chap stick fell out of her/Ed's pant leg. "Ed why did you have a chap stick in your pants?" (Remember Winry is wearing Ed's pants.)

"Uh... no reason…" Ed said nervously with shifty eyes.

"Let's move on," Winry said, throwing the mysterious Chap Stick over her shoulder.

"Hey I needed that!" Ed said watching his Chap Stick fly into the abyss.

"Deal with it," Winry said evilly in Ed's face. Ed slowly backed away. "Ok. I dare Havoc to…" then she whispered something in Havocs ear so only he could hear, then gave him a poster with something on the back of it and some super glue.

"Al look over there it's a kitty!" Havoc yelled, pointing towards the kitchen.

"WHERE?" Al yelled, looking to where Havoc pointed. While Al was looking for the kitty, Havoc super-glued the poster to Al's back. Now Al had a poster of Chef Boyardee on his back.

Suddenly some random kids burst through the door, pointed at Al, and yelled, "THERE!"

"NO WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?" Al screamed as the children carried him off. The others waited in confusion until the children finally came back and threw Al back into the house, muttering something about 'no ravioli' and 'rip-off'.

"Now that your back from that little incident," Ed said to Al, "It's your turn."

"I dare havoc to make out with… this bowl of soup!" Al said, holding out a bowl of soup.

"How the hell do you make out with soup?" Ed asked.

"I don't know, but I guess we're going to find out," Al replied handing Havoc the soup.

"Er… eh…," Havoc said, wondering how he was going to make out with the bowl of soup. After a few moments of thinking, he stuck his head in the bowl and did some kind of strange jerky movements that looked like he was trying to eat it very quickly.

Everyone had a look of disgust on they're faces as Havoc violently tried to make out with the soup. He finally looked up at them, soup all over his face and clothes.

"Interesting… very interesting. I could have gone my whole life without seeing that," Riza said, looking at Havoc like he was insane.

**Ok that's it for this chapter, sorry it was short but I'm having trouble thinking of things.**

**Ok about the Chap Stick thing, You were proably like WTF? Hehe. But I got that idea because I was writing this in my notebook at school during lunch, and my friend found a Chap Stick in her pants! We thought it was SO funny and we laughed so hard so I asked if I should put it in my chapter and theywere likeYES! So thats why... lol.**

**Next time TWO people are coming in! DUN DUN DUN!**


	5. Barney and Yo Mama jokes

**Hola! Itsa me, Mario! Sorry I had to. Well thanks for all m the reviews! They are my energy source for updating! Other wise I just lay around listening to music and watching Fullmetal Alchemist.**

**Disclaimer: NO! I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist! Stop teasing me, GOSH! Or Barney. I'm glad I don't own that though. If I did I would have to commit suicide. Or that little part about the chocolate bar. I don't own a lot of stuff, ok?**

"Well, I guess it's my turn," Al said, "I dare-" but Al was cut off AGAIN by someone bursting through the door!

"GOD DAMMIT, WOULD PEOPLE STOP DOING THAT?" Ed screamed in frustration. This time it was… Barney?

"I love you, you love me, we're a happy family! With a great big-" Barney began to sing, but he was cut off by Riza pulling out her gun and shooting him in the head. He fell and landed on the ground in a pool of purple blood.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" She screamed at his corpse.

"God what did Barney ever do to you?" Roy said, walking over to the dead Barney. "Wow! I didn't know Barney had purple blood, too! Awesome!"

Suddenly, someone else came running through the door! It was... Envy!

"Envy? What the hell?" Ed said, confused.

"Where is he?" Envy said, running into the room and frantically looking around. Then his gaze fell to the dead Barney on the floor. "NOO! Barney! What did they do to you! BARNEY!" Envy cried, falling to his knees beside the Barney's body. "You were my best friend! You told me you loved me!"

"Barney tells EVERYONE he loves them!" Havoc said.

"We had a special love!" Envy screamed at Havoc. Then Envy began crying over Barney's big purple body.

"Do you want to play truth or dare? Will that make you feel better?" Winry asked Envy like she was talking to a child. Envy nodded, but kept crying. Then he stroked Barney's dinosaur head and started mumbling the Barney song.

"Envy, you know what you need? You need a friend," Roy said, patting Envy on the back.

Envy sniffed and asked, "I do?"

"Yes. A chocolate friend," Roy said, pulling out a candy bar. "Mr. Candy Bar doesn't judge you, Envy. Mr. Candy Bar likes you just the way you are." Roy unwrapped Mr. Candy Bar and dangled him in Envy's face. "Look at how yummy and sweet he is." Envy took Mr. Candy Bar and started eating him. "There you go, that'll just be four dollars." Envy sniffed and took out four dollars and gave it to Roy. Everyone glared at Roy. "What?"

"It's my turn now! I dare-" But then someone else came through the door! It was Izumi!

"ED! AL! Where are you! I need to 'teach' something to you!" She said, running through the door. "And by 'teach' I mean kick your asses!"

"Ahh! Don't let her hurt me!" Ed said, climbing behind the couch. Roy ran behind the couch, too. "Why are you hiding, Roy?" Ed asked.

"I've had bad experiences with angry women," Roy said, curled up in a ball and shaking.

"We're playing truth or dare, do you want to play?" Winry asked.

"Why not," Izumi replied.

Everyone got back into their circle. "OK DAMMIT NOW IT IS MY TURN!" Al screamed. Everyone stared at the usually innocent Al in confusion because of his violent outburst. "Ahem. Sorry. I dare Colonel Mustang to have a 'Yo Mama' joke fight with Brother."

"Yes! I am the master at 'Yo Mama' jokes!" Roy said triumphantly.

"Ok then let's start, I'll go first," Ed said. Ed and Roy stood across from each other like they were going to duel and everyone crowded around them.

"One, two, three, fight!" said Al.

"Yo mama is so fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles came out!' Ed said.

"Yo mama is so stupid that she got locked in a grocery store and starved!" Roy said.

"Yo mama is so poor, I saw her kicking a can down the street I asked her what she was doing and she said, "Moving."" Ed said

"Yo mama is so short you can see her feet on her drivers license!" Roy said.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SOMEONE SO SHORT THEY CAN RIDE ON THE BACK OF A GRASSHOPPER?" Ed screamed, offended by even hearing the word short.

"He wasn't talking about you, Brother!" Ed said nervously.

"Oh, right. Well yo mama is so… stupid… she's a… stupid head! Ha!" Ed said, pointing at Roy.

"Even though 'yo mama' jokes are stupid, that was the most retarded one I've ever heard," Roy said.

"Then Roy wins!" Al said, holding up Roy's arm.

"Wow, really? What do I win?" Roy asked excitedly.

"Nothing," Al said.

"Awww!" Roy said, kicking the couch.

"It's your turn, Ed," Winry said. Everyone got back into their usual circle and waited for Ed's dare.

"I dare Envy to turn on the faucet and grab the water in his fist!" Ed said.

"Ok! Envy said walking to the kitchen faucet. He turned on the water and tried to grab it in his fist, and of course it didn't work. "Damn," he said. He tried again. "GAH!" He tried again, and again, and again. "DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TO HELL!" Envy screamed at the innocent water. He tried some more. He got so frustrated he huddled on the ground and beat the ground with his fists, cussing out the water.

"Alright that was interesting. Envy it's your turn," Izumi said.

"Hmm…" Envy said coming back into the kitchen. "I dare Izumi to prank call the Fuhrer!"

"Alright!" Izumi said, going to the phone. She dialed the number and put the receiver to her ear.

**Hello, this is the Fuhrer's office.**

I need to speak to the Fuhrer.

**One moment please.**

**Hello?**

Is your refrigerator running?

**-Sigh- No it is not, so ha!**

Well it better start or all your foods going rot! –click-

"What the hell was that? That was one of the most insanely retarded prank call's I've ever heard!" Ed said

"Well too bad! Izumi said, punching Ed in the face.

**Yes well that was an interesting chapter. A lot of the stuff was inside jokes like the prank call and the yo mama jokes, so sorry guys, hehe.**

**I just opened a fortune cookie that said "Promote reading. Buy a box of fortune cookies,"…. Alright I like fortune cookies, I like reading, why not?**


	6. Ghosts and Sharpies

**Reposted for fixed mistakes.**

**Buenos ding dong diddly dias senor(a)s! Yep. **

**OMFG! I just saw the last episode of Fullmetal Alchemist! And I've already seen the movie, and read the manga! It's over! It's all over! NOO! I'm ok… _sniff._**

**You can call me THOR-AXE THE IMPALER!**

It was now Izumi's turn, but this time everyone used their brains that they supposedly have, and figured that right when she starts saying the dare someone will bust through the door. So, Izumi decided to say the dare really fast. "IdareEdto-" but, even saying it fast didn't work, and YES, someone burst through the door for the sixth frickin' time! It was… Maes Hughes!

"Who wants a cherry flavored cranberry?" he sang, holding up a bag of cherry flavored dried cranberries.

"ME!" Envy yelled, raising his hand.

"AHHH! It's a ghost!" Havoc screamed, pointing at Hughes.

"Nah, I just came back from the dead."

"Oh, ok."

"I'm going to do whatever you guys are doing cause I'm bored," Hughes said, joining their circle.

"Can I go now?" Izumi asked.

"NO! We don't like you, bitch! See that wall over there? You should go bang your head against it till you die!" Winry yelled at Izumi. She cowered against the wall in fear. Yes, Izumi cowered in fear. What has the world come to? "I'm just kidding, go ahead!" Winery said joyfully.

"Um… PMSing much?" Roy whispered to Havoc. Havoc nodded in agreement.

"Er… I dare Ed to run four miles in two minutes!" Izumi said, laughing manically.

"WHAT? That's-"

"1, 2, 3, GO!"

"AHHHH!" Ed screamed, running out the door. Ed ran as fast as his short little legs could take him. He ran into a town and passed to random guys that were leaning on a building. One of their names was Timmy, and the other was Norman.

"Wow, that guy's in a hurry," Timmy said, watching Ed run by.

"Yeah, and look at his ass rip WOO HOO!" Norman said.

"Dude, you aren't gay… are you?" Timmy asked, looking over nervously at Norman.

"What? No, I just appreciate the human body," Norman replied.

"Okay as long as you're not gay…" Timmy said.

A few moments of silence.

"So… you want to make out?" Timmy asked.

"YES!"

So Ed was running, and dying from exhaustion, when he realized no one would know if he only ran a little then said he ran for miles. So, laughing devilishly, he ran back to the house.

"Did you run for miles?" Izumi asked dangerously.

"Yes…" Ed said nervously.

"LIAR!" Izumi screamed, and then beat him up.

"How did you know I lied?" Ed asked, bruised and bloody.

"Oh, I knew you couldn't run four miles in two minutes, I just wanted an excuse to beat you up. You could never run that fast, you're a shrimp," Izumi monotonously.

"GET YOUR BITCH ASS IN THE KITCHEN, AND MAKE ME SOME PIE!" Ed screamed in Izumi's face.

"The hell?" Izumi said, backing away from Ed.

"Well I was mad and I wanted pie," Ed shrugged.

"Ok…"

"I dare Hughes to talk like a teenage girl whenever we're playing truth or dare!" Ed said.

"Ed think about what your doing…" Roy said warningly.

"Like oh my god, ok!" Hughes said in a girly voice.

"Well Hughes, it's your turn," Havoc sighed.

"Like oh my god one day like this girl came up to me and she was all like 'Hey you're a bitch!' and I was all like 'Well at least I'm not a whore!' and she was like 'Oh no you didn't!'"

"OkHughes I take it back you can stop talking like that… it's incredibly creepy," Ed said.

"No I like talking like that," Havoc said normally.

"Er… ok, whatever…"

"Ok well like I dare Envy to like sniff this sharpie," Hughes said, taking out a sharpie and giving it to Envy.

"Cool a sharpie!" Envy said, taking the cap off the sharpie and smelling it.

Everyone watched for a few minutes as Envy continued to sniff the sharpie. His eyelids started to droop and he began to look very relaxed.

"Um… Envy? Are you… feeling… ok?" Havoc asked.

"Wow… the sky is like… so… _blue_… it's like someone took a marker and like… drew on the sky… with the marker… and the marker was… _blue_," Envy said dreamily, looking out the window.

"Yeah… um… well… It's your turn to dare someone," Roy said.

"I dare Roy to explain yaoi fangirlism, because I think that kind of thing is cool," Envy monotonously.

"Alright. Well, fangirls don't want big, macho, sweaty men. No, they want sweet, sensitive, feminine… girly men. Allow me to demonstrate," Roy said. Then he went over and kissed Ed full on the lips.

"OH MY GOD! SOAP! I NEED SOAP!" Ed screamed, spitting and spluttering as he ran to find soap. He grabbed a bar of soap and ate it.

"Ed how many times do I have to tell you that soap and lotion are not good for your digestive system?" Winry yelled angrily, hitting Ed on the head with her wrench.

"But Winry this time it was NECESSARY! And the lotion had sparkles in it, and it smelled like strawberries…"

"Yeah whatever! Just stay away from my lotion, you're wasting it and I need that!" Winry yelled, hitting Ed with her wrench again.

"Yeah you do…" Ed mumbled, rubbing the bumps on his head.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?' Winery yelled again, hitting Ed with her wrench… again.

"People, please! Violence is not the answer here. We need to all look deep inside ourselves, and find our happy place…" Envy said dreamily, interrupting Ed and Winry. He put his hands over his chest and closed his eyes, humming some kind of weird song while swaying back and fourth.

Winry and Ed stared at Envy strangely for a minute, and then went back to yelling at each other.

**That chapter might have been a little weird, but it's really late at night and I'm like falling asleep on my computer, so I'm not exactly thinking straight. I'm so very tired. Good night all!**


	7. Blue Sparkles and Batman

**Howdy! Sorry it took so long for this update, but none of my favorite fanfictions were being updated and I was angry!**

**Disclaimer: Do I REALLY have to say it? Fine… I don't own Full Metal Alchemist. Happy now? I don't own the 'If I could be a super hero…' song, either. That's Steven Lynch, he rocks.**

Now it was Roy's turn. Again, everyone decided to use their small insignificant brains that they are _supposed _to have, and again assumed that someone would burst through the door. This time they decided to get everyone to push against the door as Roy said the dare.

"Everyone ready?" Roy asked, and everyone nodded, pushing all their weight against the door. "I dare-,"

No. It didn't work. Were you actually expecting it to?

This time… Armstrong burst through the door, knocking everyone back against the opposite wall!

Armstrong pulled of his shirt and flexed as his sparkles dance around him. "Hello fellow military personal, and friends!" He bellowed.

"AHH! NO! ANYONE BUT YOU!" They all screamed, huddling against the wall.

"I haven't seen you all lately, what have you been doing, friends?" Armstrong went over and hugged everyone. He let go and they all backed away, gasping for breath.

"Nothing! Nothing really just you know… chillin'" Havoc said quickly.

"We're playing dare!" Al said with glee, and then Ed clamped a hand over his 'mouth', which didn't really do anything, of course.

"What do you think your doing, Al?" He whispered through gritted teeth.

"Well then I must play, I love that game!"

"Now look what you've done, Al!" Everyone said angrily to Al.

"I'm sorry, I was just trying to be nice," Al said pathetically, tapping his index fingers together. (**A/N: Awww!**)

"Alright I guess you can play," Riza sighed. Everyone got into the circle. Which was kind of hard now because ten people were crowding in a small room.

"Hmmm…"Roy pondered, then got an evil look on his face. "I dare Armstrong to spray paint his sparkles blue!"

"Noo!" Armstrong said, crying. "These pink sparkles have been in my family for generations!"

"Too bad!" Roy said, taking out a can of blue spray paint, and spraying Armstrong's sparkles. Soon, Armstrong had blue sparkles dancing around him.

Armstrong took one of his now blue sparkles, and held it in his hand and cried. "I'm sorry my babies," he muttered. "Well, I believe I will dare Hughes to sing a song with Edward, Envy and Mustang."

"Ok, what song?" Hughes asked.

"Hell, I don't care," Armstrong shrugged. (**A/N: Quite un-Armstrong-ish. Well, at least I think so.)**

Hughes, Ed, Envy, and Roy huddled together to discuss which song they would sing. When they decided, they stood in front of the group, and random guitar music started playing in the background.

Ed:

If I could be a super hero,

I would be Awesome Man!

I'd fly around the world fighting crime,

According to my awesome plan!

And if I saw criminals trying to lie,

Hurting other people and making them cry,

I'd haul them off to jail in my awesome van!

'Cause I would be awesome man!

Now some criminals want you to be a criminal, so they offer you things like drugs and alcohol! But we know what to do kids, we just say NO!

Roy:

If I could be a superhero, I would be Drug Free Boy!

Telling the world of the evils of drugs,

And all of the lives they destroy!

Well I'd take all the junkies getting so high,

With their needles and bongs and their sticks made of thai,

I'd burn them alive as I squeal with joy,

'Cause I would be Drug Free Boy!

Envy:

If I could be a Superhero,  
I'd be Immigration Dude!  
I'd send all the foreigners back to their homes,  
For eating up all of our food!  
And taking our welfare and best jobs to boot,  
Like landscaping, dishwashing, picking our fruit!  
I'd pass lots of laws to get rid of their brood,  
Because I'd Immigration Dude!

Kids, you could make up your own super hero! If you could, who would you be?

Hughes:

If you could be a super hero,

Would you be Justice Guy?

Making sure people get what they deserve,

Especially women who lie!

Like if a wife left her husband with three kids and no job,

TO RUN OFF TO FUCKING HAWAII WITH SOME DOCTOR NAMED BOB,

YOU COULD SKIN THEM AND DRAIN THEM OF BLOOD SO THEY DIE!

… Especially Bob…

Then you would be Justice Guy!

OR YOU COULD BE MORE SUBTLE, NO I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE VAGUE!

GIVE HER THE MAD COW DISEASE, LET HIM DIE OF THE PLAGUE!

AS LONG AS THE SUFFER FOR THEIR TERRIBLE LIE…

… Especially Bob…

Then you would be Justice Guy!

Roy, Ed, Envy, not Hughes because he was busy destroying stuff in his rage:

Yes then you would be, a super hero like me!

"Um… Hughes I think you have some anger issues," Winry said to Hughes, who was still breaking stuff from his rage.

"Yes… that was interesting… but mostly very, very disturbing…" Izumi commented.

"Hmm… well I believe it would be Hughes's turn," Armstrong said.

"Well I like totally dare like hmm well… Winry to like marry this potato!" Hughes said, taking out a potato with a face drawn on it.

"Yay! I name it Bud the Spud!" Winry said happily, taking the potato and hugging it, then making out with it.

"Right… well you have to dare someone now," Havoc said.

"But me and Bud the Spud have to go on our honeymoon!" Winery whined. "Fine... I dare Mustang to act like the person he has always wanted to be."

"Really? Cool!" Roy exclaimed, and pulled out a black cape. "Quickly, Robin! To the Bat Cave!" Then he wrapped the cape around himself and ran off somewhere.

"Um… did any of you know that it was Mustang's secret ambition to be Batman?" Ed asked, confused.

"No…"

"I don't think so…"

"Um…"

"Yes."

"Riza? You knew?" Havoc asked.

"Yes. I know things about Roy Mustang that would make a grain of rice scream!" Riza said creepily.

"_Right…_I don't want to know… wait a second WHO ARE YOU CALLING SOMEONE SO SMALL THEY CAN'T BE SEEN BY THE NAKED EYE?" Ed screamed.

Al was about to say something to his brother, but Havoc stopped him. "Just leave it alone, Al."

Roy came back in, spreading out his cape and running around the room.

"_Whoooooossshhhh!" _He said, trying to make it sound like he was flying.

"Um… like… Roy…" Hughes said nervously.

"Batman," Roy said quickly, then went back to making his flying sound.

"Ok… like Batman or like whatever… it's like your turn," Hughes said.

"I dare Riza to dress up like Robin and be my side-kick!"

"Uhhggg… do I have to?" Riza whined.

"Yes! Now come, Robin! To the Bat Cave!" Roy said triumphantly, giving her the Robin costume then "flying" off. Riza put on the costume then reluctantly walked after him, sighing.

"Alright well I guess since Riza is gone I will randomly pick someone to go!" Ed said. He closed his eyes and pointed at someone.

"Ooo! Pick me!" Everyone said.

"Envy!"

"Aww…." Everyone said again, including Envy.

"Envy what did you 'Awww' about?" Ed asked.

"I don't know. Everyone else was doing it, I just wanted to be popular." Envy shrugged.

**Sorry it wasn't a very good chapter again, since it's spring break I don't have a lot of time to ask my friends for ideas, and I just wanted to get this chapter out. Yep.**


	8. Drunkenness and Pictures

**Yo ma home dawgs! Sorry had to be gangster for a second. Dang! I'm so stupid I thought spring break was two weeks long! I have to go back to school on Tuesday, and I still have to memorize a poem and have a huge paper done! But instead I' m continuing my fan fiction. That's how much I love you guys. So for my sacrifice of education, please review.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. Ok you people better get this in your heads. Because I'm not doing it again! Nope! Never!**

**Let's start the insanity!**

Well, It's Envy's turn. This time, everyone decided they aren't even going to try to stop the next person from bursting through the door. They just backed as far away from the door as possible, and prepared for impact.

"I… dare…" Envy said slowly, crouching down. But nothing happened. "Ed… to…" and again, nothing happened. "Get…" Nothing. "Drunk…" Still nothing. Everyone waited in silence for a few seconds, and when still nobody came, they all let out a sigh.

"Well, I believe it has stopped!" Armstrong said. They all sat there for a few minutes, enjoying the peace and quiet, when…

SOMEONE BURST THROUGH THE DOOR!

"Away! To the Pimp Mobile!" Russell said, bursting through the door. You know what, I'm going to find a more interesting sentence for that. Russell violently blew the door to smithereens. That sounds better.

"WE WERE SO CLOSE!" Envy yelled, dropping to his knees and crying.

"Russell? What the hell are… wait a second you have a Pimp Mobile?" Ed asked confused. "Why don't we have a Pimp Mobile?" Ed whispered to Al. Al just shrugged.

"Are we going to ask him to play?" Winry whispered to Ed. Ed sighed and whispered back, "Might as well, we've done it with everyone else."

"Do you want to play dare with us Russell?" Winry asked.

"No, not really," he replied casually. Everyone gasped.

"Wow, he is the first person to say no!" Armstrong whispered whispered.

"Uh… you kind of have to," Ed said.

"What? Why?" Russell asked.

"Because we really wouldn't have a story if you didn't. It says a character comes in with each chapter, you have to."

"Well, in that case, ok,"

"So back to my dare," Envy said. "I dare Ed to get drunk."

"What? But I'm a minor!" Ed said.

"So what? It's a dare," Envy replied.

"Ok, I'll go get Pinako's stash," Winry said, getting up and walking off somewhere. She came back with about 10 cases of beer.

"This… should be enough," Winry said, heaving the heavy load onto the floor.

"Ok, start drinking little man!" Envy said, clapping Ed on the back.

A few hours later… 

"Um… Brother… I think you've had enough…" Al said nervously to his drunken brother.

"I HAVE NOT YET BEGUN TO DRINK!" Ed said, slamming his fist on the ground then taking another swig of beer.

"The dare was for you to get drunk, and I think your way past that point," Russell said.

" I swear to drunk I'm not God!" Ed slurred.

"Yeah, you've had enough" Al said, taking Ed's bottle away from him.

"I WUV YOU LITTLE BROTHER!" Ed cried, hugging Al.

"Erm, I…. wuv… you too?" Al said awkwardly. Ed let go of Al then jumped on a table.

"Ok everyone, here's the plan. We go in, I start hitting people hard in the face, and we'll see where it takes us." Everyone stared at each other, then back to drunken Ed. Then Ed ripped off all his clothes. "WOOHOO! I'M NAKED!" And he ran off somewhere.

"Mmm hmm… yep. Where's Roy? I'm sure he would want to see this," Havoc asked.

"I don't know, Roy and Riza still haven't come back from their little 'Batman Adventure'," Envy said. (**A/N: NO RoyxRiza fans, it's not what you think! Nasty minded little…**)

And of course Roy and Riza came walking through the door, still in their costumes. "Hello civilians! Robin and I have returned from fighting evil!"

"Actually all you did was punch a random pedestrian…" Riza sighed.

"Tsk, tsk Robin! We do not tell the civilians of our crime fighting adventures!" Roy said, wagging a finger at Riza.

"SQUEE!" Ed yelled, running past them all, then again running off to parts unknown.

"Was that…?" Riza asked, pointing in the direction Ed ran.

"Yeah. Envy dared him to get drunk," Havoc said.

Riza clapped a hand to her forehead and sighed. "I'm surrounded by idiots. Ok… Batman… take off the costume now." Riza said, reaching for Roy's cape.

"Noooo!" Roy whined like a little kid, grabbing his cape away from Riza.

"No, Mustang! It's time to take off the costume," Riza said angrily.

"Bitch, _please,_" Roy said, waving his hand dismissively at her. Riza's face darkened as she took out her gun and pointed it at Roy.

"_What _did you just say to me?"

"Uh… you know that costume really makes your hips look _great," _Roy said nervously.

"How about you try that again," Riza said, cocking the gun.

"Uh… I'm a stupid lazy asshole that doesn't do anything right?" Roy said hopefully.

"That's what I thought you said," Riza put away her gun and everyone sighed.

"Well it's Ed's turn, so I think we better go track down birthday suit boy," Russell said.

Then a random voice came out of nowhere. "Welcome to the Scooby Doo Mystery Files!"

"It looks like the victim was hit over the head, strangled with his own intestines and thrown in the back of a trunk," Russell said, crouching down and staring at a random spot on the floor. 

"Jinkies, what a mystery!" Winry said, snapping her fingers. Al made a noise like Scooby Doo, and Russell put a hand on his metal shoulder.

"You're right Scoob, we're dealing with one sick son of a bitch!" Russell said.

"Ok… like that was, weird. How about we like… find Ed now or whatever," Hughes said.

"Yeah, ok."

Although it turns out they didn't have to search for him, because he came running into the room, screaming his head off. "AHHH! BUNNIES ATE MY BRAIN!"

"He is going insane, how are we going to shut him up?" Russell yelled over Ed's screaming.

"EDWARD ELRIC YOU PUT SOME CLOTHES ON RIGHT NOW AND GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!" Winry yelled, raising her wrench.

"YES SIR!" Ed saluted Winry and put his clothes back on. Then he sat in the circle quietly.

"How ya like them apples?" Winry said smugly, twirling her wrench in her hand.

"Erm… what apples?" Ed asked.

"Just dare someone, Ed," Riza sighed. "Again, I'm surrounded by idiots…" she muttered.

"Ok! I dare Russell to he chained to a chair and locked in a room with Hughes and a million pictures of his daughter for an hour!"

So everyone got out chains, and chained Russell to a chair. Then they threw him in a closet. "Hughes do you have any pictures of your daughter on you?" Hughes got out a gigantic box of pictures. "Right…"

They pushed Hughes in with Russell and locked the door. All that could be heard for the next hour was screams of torture and things like "Oh my God like isn't she the _cutest _dang thing you like ever did see?"

When they let them out, Russell was twitching and shaking and Hughes was hugging a large picture of his daughter.

"Um… Hughes?" Roy asked.

"Like, go away… I'm in my happy place."

"Ok you can do that alone." Roy said, backing away slowly.

**Yep! Did any of you watch the episode of Fullmetal Alchemist on April Fools Day with all the farting noises on Adult Swim? Haha it was pretty funny, especially at the end when Ed and Al were talking to Rose.**

**My friend made me this AWESOME animation thing if you want to see it go here (it's FMA related, and that is a real picture of me wearing a wig): **

**img93.imageshack.us/img93/3152/cletanimation9bb.gif (just add the http thing at the beginning)**

**Oh yeah, a reviewer reminded me this, I stopped doing that review thing. So, every time you don't review, Riza gets mad and shoots at Roy. Save Roy's _life, _review.**


	9. Monkeys and Prophecies

**Howdy! Sorry I haven't updated in a while, but I have been really busy lately. And for some reason I chose now to get the FMA video games so my free time was consumed with playing those.**

**Disclaimer: Yes I know I said I would never do this again but I felt guilty for some reason, I don't know. I don't own FMA.**

Now it was Russell's turn. And once again, they used their miniscule brains… not very well though.

"Ok, we have to come up with a plan to-" Roy started, but… SOME ONE BURST THOUGH THE DOOR!

"WHAT THE? Russell didn't even start the dare yet!" Ed said angrily, looking to the door to see whom it was. It was… Black Hayate!

"Black Hayate? What are you doing hear?" Riza said, picking up her dog.

"Damn it, where the hell did that dog go?" Scar murmured, walking through the door and looking around the room. "There!" He said, pointing at Black Hayate. "Give me that dog!"

"Nooo, not my puppy!" Riza cried, holding Black Hayate close to her.

"What? All I wanted to was pet him! Cause he's so cute and fluffy and pretty and puppy-luscious!" Scar squealed with hearts around him. When he looked at everyone's expressions, he quickly cleared his throat and said, "I mean… uh… all state alchemists must die!"

"Right…" Riza muttered.

While all this was happening, Ed and Roy were gathering things like handcuffs, chains, straight jackets, Barbie dolls (A/N: Why not?), and anything else they could use to restrain Scar, which Winry and Pinako conveniently had around the house. Then while he was rambling nonsense about killing people, they jumped on him then put all the handcuffs on him, wrapped the chains around him, and glued the Barbie dolls to his hands and feet. Then they took him and squeezed him into the circle. They had to squeeze him because the circle was very big in a relatively small room.

"Since we are busy and can't deal with you right now, your going to have to play dare with us so we can keep an eye on you," Roy said.

"Well I would break free or run away," Scar began darkly, "But if I walk or crawl I'll hurt Barbie! And she is so pretty with her long blonde hair…" he whispered to himself, petting the Barbie doll that was on his hand's hair with the other Barbie doll on his other hand's face.

"I knew that would stop him from moving," Roy said smugly.

"It was MY idea to glue the Barbie dolls to him!" Ed said angrily.

"Ah, yes, but I was the one who had the Barbie dolls!"

"So what? I have a _Ken _doll!" Ed said, pulling out a Ken doll.

"Well I have the Barbie bedroom set!"

While Ed and Roy were comparing their Barbie collections, Scar was staring creepily at Izumi, who was sitting next to him in the circle. "Would you like to touch my monkey?" he suddenly asked.

"EXCUSE ME?" Izumi exclaimed, ready to punch him.

"My monkey." Then a random monkey appeared on Scar's shoulder. "His name is Piper the Possum."

"But… isn't he a monkey?" Izumi asked with a puzzled expression.

"Yes," Scar replied like it was obvious that he would have a monkey named Piper the Possum.

"Well everyone it is time for my dare so listen up," Russell began. "I dare Winry to go out and stand in the middle of the street."

"Ok." So Winry went outside, and everyone else followed. Roy carried scar, because he was still chained up and had Barbie dolls on his hands and feet.

"What? When was there a street in front of our house?" Winry asked, staring at the paved black street that appeared in front of her house. She just shrugged and stood in the middle of it.

"This is the stupedist dare ever. Come on Winry, get out of the street," Izumi said.

"No I like it out here." Winery said, smiling and looking around.

"Winry, you're going to get hit by a car. Now come on," Izumi walked out into the street to get Winry.

"No!" Winry whined, backing away.

"But you're about to get a glass of chocolate milk!" Izumi said.

"Chocolate milk? Well all right! Let's get the hell out of here!" Winry said happily.

"Grab my hand, and look both ways for cars." Izumi held out her hand to Winry.

"Well, technically that's not how the pros do it, but ok," Winry said, grabbing Izumi's hand. Right when her hand touched Izumi's, her face grew dark. "Don't drink the chocolate milk," she said darkly, squeezing Izumi's hand very hard. "DO NOT DRINK THE CHOCOLATE MILK!"

"Ow! Damn Winry, your grip!" Izumi said, shaking her hand.

"I know. Now come on, let's go get me that chocolate milk." Winry said.

"But… you just said not to drink the chocolate milk," Izumi said confusedly.

"I did? Hell, don't listen to me. Now come on." Winry grabbed onto Izumi's hand and again her face turned dark. "Don't drink the chocolate milk… DON'T DRINK THE CHOCOLATE MILK!"

"Fine! Ok? Fine! We won't drink any chocolate milk!" Izumi said, exasperated.

"What? How come?" Winry asked.

"Look, just go into the kitchen, and don't touch me!" She said, pointing towards the house.

So they all went into the kitchen to get Winry some chocolate milk. Izumi tried to give Winry some of the milk, but it was so spoiled it wouldn't pour.

"No, I don't think so." Izumi said, smelling the milk. "No, no, this milk is expired, Winry."

"No, I like it when it's chunky. It's spread-able, and it's edible!"

"How could she have known this milk was spoiled?" Ed asked, amazed.

"Well, Bother, it has been in there 18 months," Al said matter-of-factly.

"But she _knew!_"

"Look, fellas, it doesn't matter. The point is I still am going to eat it." Winery said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Well your not going to get it, Winery, because this is going into the garbage." Izumi said, taking the carton and heading toward the trashcan.

"Wait, hang on," Winery said, grabbing Izumi's arm, and her face grew dark once again. "Don't open the trash, do not open the trash, DON'T OPEN THE TRASH!"

"Oh no! What's in the trash?" Ed asked her, worried.

"Soon you will know."

"Well I guess we'll just have to find out," Izumi said, opening the trashcan. "Ew!"

"It's stinky, isn't it? I knew it was going to be stinky," Winry said.

"Se has the gift! She can see the future!" Ed exclaimed.

"Sometimes trash does stink, ok Ed?" Izumi said.

"But she predicted it! Surely your not implying that was coincidence?"

"No, it was a prophecy… starring, Christopher Walken," Winry said.

"He wasn't in that at all!" Ed said, pointing at Winry.

"Yeah he was!" Winry said, pointing at Ed.

"Look, you must tell me. When am I getting some?" Ed asked.

"Ok."

"But, don't actually touch me, you've got germs. Just, uh, just… grab on to this." He said, taking out his alchemy watch. Winry grabbed it, and her face turned dark again.

She saw Ed sitting in a room with a book. He was saying, "Oooo, French maid! You didn't expect me home from the whip cream store so soon, did you? And who is your lady friend?" Then there was a knock. "Wait! Don't open… there's someone in here! I'm… I'm wrapping presents!" Ed yelled at the person who knocked. Then the vision ended.

"What did she say? What was I doing? Was she hot?" Ed asked Winry.

"I'm not at liberty to discuss it."

"Because you don't know, do you?" Izumi asked.

"Oh, I know. And it's sexy." Winery said, crossing her arms over her chest again.

"I'll buy that. So long as everybody knows I got it going on!" Ed said, ripping off his coat and borrowing some of Armstrong's now blue sparkles. "So… I'm going to go in my room now. I'm going to be in there a long time, and I am not to be disturbed," Ed said, going into his room and slamming the door.

Winry went and knocked on the door to his room.

"Wait! Don't open… there's someone in here! I'm… I'm wrapping presents!" Ed yelled from inside the room.

"I know what your doing in there, and I'm telling Al!" Winry called from outside the door.

Ed came out of the room and said excitedly, "She knows! She has the gift! …But she's about to lie to you!"

"Oh, please we all know what you do in there, Brother. You do it about five to six times a day," Al said.

"Oh? And what exactly do you think I do?"

"I think you read Butt Frenzy."

"No I don't… but how did you know?"

"Let's get back to the game everyone," Izumi said, and everyone crowded back into the room and sat in the circle.

"Wait! Before we start, read my fortune!" Scar said, holding out his hand that still had a Barbie doll glued to it. Winery touched his hand and said "You will kill something in the next hour!"

"Awesome!" Scar said happily. Then he a strange expression grew on his face. "Uh oh, I think I'm sitting on something," he got up, and where he was sitting was Piper the Possum… or his corpse. "No! Piper the Possum, how could I?"

"See! She can see the future!" Ed exclaimed.

"Ed, Scar kills everything." Izumi said.

Then randomly Envy exclaimed, "GENTLEMEN! WHO STOLE MY HAIRARIUM?"

"Your… your what?" Roy asked.

"MY HAIR HELMET!"

"Oh, well… that's, that's right there… on you head," Roy said, matter-of-factly.

"Oh."

**Yay I finished the chapter! Yeah, yeah I know like the whole chapter was from Aqua Teen Hunger Force, but I saw that episode and I just had to put it in.**

**Every time you don't review, Scar sits on a monkey. Save the monkeys. Review.**


	10. Fan Art and Gangsterness

**I'm sorry for the slow update people, but I was buried in finals! Eee! But summer break starts next Tuesday so I can update a lot after that.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Full Metal Alchemist. Hmm… that sounds like a band name, doesn't it?**

**It's slinky, it's slinky, the amazing and wonderful toy… ect.**

"Ok everyone, this time we are going to stop the next person from bursting through the door, because now we have a secret weapon!" Ed said, holding up Winry like a sword.

"Ooo, shiny!" Envy said, pointing at Winry.

"Yes, it's very shiny. And it will save us from the next person who comes though the door!" Ed exclaimed

"I'm not an inanimate object, you know," Winry muttered.

"Shut up. With this device, we can predict who will come through the door! Observe." Ed touched Winry's hand to the door. Winry's face became darkened once again.

"Ed in a banana suit with a poodle in the bathroom!" Winry exclaimed after a few seconds.

"WHAT?" Everyone yelled.

"But I'm right here! And I'm afraid of poodles! And outside is not a bathroom! Well, except to animals but that is really a completely different concept that…" Ed said.

Then suddenly, while Ed was rambling, (I think you all know what I'm about to say) SOMEONE, YES, SOME ONE BURST THROUGH THE DOOR… AGAIN! It was… Ed in a banana suit with a poodle in the bathroom… drawn on a piece of paper being held by none other than… Cain Fury!

"Hi everyone! Someone told me you were all here playing truth or dare, and I wanted to play, too! I also wanted someone to tell me what they think of my fan art!" Fury said, holding up his picture.

"AHH! POODLE! NOOO DON'T LET IT EAT ME!" Ed screamed, running to the couch and hiding under a blanket.

"Well Fury, who can play with us," Russell said.

"Cool!" Fury said, and everyone went to their regular, but squished, circular position. Except for Ed, because he was still cowering under the blanket. Roy went over to Ed and tried to take the blanket off of him.

"Noooo!" Ed whined, grabbing the blanket closer to him.

"Ed stop being a coward and come back to the game," Roy said, still tugging at the blanket.

"Make the poodle go away," Ed's muffled voice came out from the blanket.

"Fury, put your drawing away." Roy said, and Fury folded up his drawing and put it in his pocket. "Ok Ed, the poodle is gone."

"Promise?"

Roy sighed. "Promise."

"Ok" Ed said taking off the blanket. But as soon as he pulled the blanket off, he screamed and covered himself again because Armstrong's face was right next to his.

"Hmm? You do not like poodles? I rather enjoy them, they are so cute and fluffy!" Armstrong said with his blue sparkled floating around him.

"Ed get your scrawny ass back in the circle." Roy said, ripping off his blanket, then grabbing Ed by the collar and dragging him back into the circle.

Now that their little episode was over, Winry could say her dare. "I dare Al to sing this to the Oscar Meyer song tune," Winry said, handing Al a piece of paper.

Al read over the paper for a second, and then said, "Winry I can't read this, it makes no sense!"

Envy grabbed the paper from Al and read it. "What are you talking about Al, it makes perfect sense."

" Oh no! My brother has dyslexia!" Ed cried.

"What! No I don't!"

Winry began giggling, and then full out laughing. "No I'm just kidding you Al, it doesn't actually make sense, its just gibberish. But, wait a second, Envy did you say that made sense to you?"

"Yeah, what's your point?"

"Um, never mind. Ok, Al I want you to sing _this _in the Oscar Meyer song tune." Winry handed Al another piece of paper.

Al read over it, and sighed with relief, "Ok, this makes sense." Al cleared his throat… uh… never mind. He began to sing, "My kitty has a first name, its T-I-N-K-Y, my kitty has a second name, its W-I-N-K-Y. I love to pet him everyday and if you ask me why I'll say, cause' kitties are so soft and nice and its fun to watch when they chase mice."

"Tinky Winky?" Ed said with a puzzled expression.

"AWWW HOW CUTE!" Everyone exclaimed.

"NO!" Al yelled.

"Huh?" Everyone said, confused.

"I'm damn tired of always being the cute one! I'm tired of hearing "Aw look at the cute armor guy" or "How cute he loves animals!"" Al pulled out a black cape and wrapped it around himself, then laughed evilly. "I am evil, fear me! FEAR ME, DAMMIT!"

"That's hot, whatever," Hughes said, filing his nails.

"Ed what's wrong with Al?" Fury asked as Al rubbed his hands together while laughing maniacally.

"Oh, don't worry about him he does this about once a week," Ed said casually, grabbing a cat and walking towards Al.

"Back away mortal, or feel my wrath!" Al said, pointing at Ed then hissing andhe came closer.

Ed stopped in front of Al then paused for a moment. "AL! LOOK, A KITTY!" Ed exclaimed, pushing the cat in Al's face.

"SQUEE!" Al grabbed the cat and rubbed it against his face.

"See? All better. Ok Al, you can dare someone now."

"I dare Fury to act gangster."

"Fo sho, home dog skillet biscuit," Fury said like a gangster, and did a peace sign.

"Hey, that's kind of cool. Hey, Fury! Sing a rap song!" Havoc said.

So Fury started to rap, and quite well. (**A/N: I'm not saying any specific song because I don't listen to rap so I don't really know any.**) And of course he had to do all the cool and motions and such.

Then Havoc tried to give him a beat with making sounds into his hands, but it really just sounded like he was trying to spit or something. Fury stopped rapping and everyone stared at Havoc.

"What?" Havoc asked when he realized everyone was starring at him.

"Havoc… no. Just… no. Never again." Roy said, putting hand on his shoulder.

"Oh… uh, ok," Havoc said, disappointed.

**Kind of a short one in my opinion, but at least I got it done. Had to get a little Paris Hilton in there, he he. (The 'That's hot, whatever' if you didn't know)**

**Every time you don't review, Havoc tries to make a beat by making sounds into his hands. Save Havoc's reputation (Well, if he has one). Review.**


	11. Almonds and Usta

**Hello random people I've never met! Wow I haven't updated in a while, have I? Well I have now so it's all good.**

**I got a blanket with Ed on it for my birthday! I LOVE IT SO MUCH! But he's kinda dead cause he has some mustard on his hand… and some lip gloss on his eye… and some ice tea on his stomache… but that's what happens when I take him with me everywhere.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA (Furry Maroon Aardvarks). Oh yeah, I don't own FullMetal Alchemist, either.**

"Ok everyone, new strategy. If we take _off _the door, there will be nothing to knock down!" Roy said.

"Dang, yo like a genius hommie!" Fury replied.

"You know, the person could just knock down the wall, or something…" Izumi said.

Roy glared at her. "Shut up. Ok everyone let's get the door off!"

Everyone crowded around the door to take it down. They got it off the hinges, and carried it aside easily with 13 people, then backed away to see what would happen next.

"Ok, well someone has to-" But Ed was cut off by… yes…. You all know… SOMEONE…. KNOCKING DOWN… THE FREAKIN' DOOR! But this time it was the back door! And it was... Greed!

"Yo home slices," Greed said.

"Hey dawg," Fury replied.

"Greed? What the hell are you doing here?" Envy asked.

"Yeah I thought you died," Ed said.

"I came back from the dead," Greed shrugged.

"Hey, like me too!" Hughes said excitedly, running up to Greed.

"Cool," Greed replied casually.

"Totally! Up top!" Hughes said, raising his hand for a high-five.

"Not on your life, sport."

"Aww."

"Well I'm bored and I want to hang out with you guys," Greed said, sitting down with everyone.

"Awright ya'll, it's ma turn," Fury began. "I dare ma home dawg Russell to explain da meaning of life with ma otha home dawg Ed."

Russell and Ed stood in the middle of the room, and began their explanation of the meaning of life. "Well, um…" Russell began, "Life is like really cool… and stuff. Uh, take it away, Ed!"

"Thank you, Russell! For centuries, dinosaurs roamed the Earth!" Ed began to walk around the room trying to imitate a dinosaur and making a sound that sounded like 'Reeeeee!'.

"Um, Ed…" Russell said.

"REEE!" Ed was still imitating a dinosaur.

"Ed!"

"REEE!"

"EDWARD ELRIC! STOP IT OR YOUR GETTING A FACE FULL OF WRENCH!" Winry yelled.

"REEEE- what?" Ed said suddenly stopped imitating a dinosaur and backed away in fear.

"There we go." Winry said, satisfied and sitting down.

"Ok, that was interesting. Well I believe it's my turn… ah… hmm…. Oh I can't think of anything. Scar, eat this almond." Russell said, taking an almond out of his pocket.

"No!" Scar said.

"Come on Scar, it's just an almond," Al said.

"I don't like almonds!" Scar replied.

"Well you sir, are being a baby! I have conquered many more challenging obstacles then eating an almond!" Armstrong said.

"Yeah, a baby!" Russell said.

Then randomly Roy started laughing hysterically. Everyone looked at him weirdly.

"What's so funny?" Ed asked.

"Yeah, all I said was 'Yeah, a baby'" Russell said, and Roy laughed even harder.

"Don't… say… that!" Roy said between laughs

"Why not? Why is 'Yeah, a baby' so funny?" Havoc asked.

"It… hurts!" Roy said between bursts of uncontrollable hysterical sidesplitting laughter.

Everyone waited for a few minutes for Roy to calm down. "Ok, so why does, 'Yeah- I mean, 'those words' make you laugh so hard?" Russell asked after Roy stopped laughing.

"It's a long story," Roy said.

"Yeah, but I threaten him with saying it whenever I want him to do paper work." Riza said.

"So every time you say it, it doesn't matter when, he will laugh?" Havoc asked.

"Let's see!" Ed said gleefully.

"No, don't-" Roy said, waving his hands in font of him.

"Yeah, a baby! Yeah, a baby! Yeah a baby!" Ed yelled. Roy burst out laughing so hard he fell on the floor.

"YEAH, A BABY! YEAH, A BABY! YEAH, A BABY!" Ed yelled even louder.

"No… stop… please!"

"Ed, don't kill him!" Al said quickly before Roy suffocated.

"Fine, I'll stop," Ed pouted. "YEAH, A BABY!"

"Ed!" Al scolded.

"I'm sorry, I had to!"

"Mm Hm. Ok. Scar, you don't have to eat the almond. Just dare someone," Russell said.

"I dare Greed to sing his favorite song." Scar said after thinking for a moment.

Greed thought for a moment, and then asked Armstrong, for some reason, to help him sing the song. Armstrong and Greed stood in front of everyone and began to sing.

Greed: When I was just two years old I left my lips out in the cold and they turned blue. What could I do?

Armstrong: They turned blue, what could you do?

Greed: Oh they turned blue. On the day I got my tooth I had to kiss my Great Aunt Ruth. She had a beard ... and it felt weird.

Armstrong: My, my. She had a beard and it felt weird?

Greed: She had a beard. Ten days after I turned eight, got my lips stuck in a gate. My friends all laughed. And I just stood there until the fire department came and broke the lock with a crow bar and I had to spend the next six weeks in lip rehab with this kid named Oscar who got stung by a bee - right on the lip - and we couldn't even talk to each other until the fifth week because both our lips were so swollen, and when he did start speaking he just spoke Polish and I only knew like three words in Polish except now I know four because Oscar taught me the word for lip: Usta!

Armstrong: Your friends all laughed ... Usta? How do you spell that?

Greed: I don't know.

Armstrong: So what you're saying is that when you were young ...

Greed: They turned blue, what could I do? She had a beard and it felt weird. My friends all laughed ... Usta!

Armstrong: I'm confused ...

Greed: I love my lips!

Envy clapped his hands and said, "Oh my god that's my favorite song too!"

"After this whole ordeal, I've learned to just not ask," Ed said, and everyone agreed.

**Yeah… this wasn't a very good chapter. Oh well I finished it… after a few months…**

**About the 'Yeah, a baby' thing, well every time some one says that I laugh SO hard. I seriously almost pass out, or throw up, or something. (Long story.) The 'explain the meaning of life' and the dinosaur thing is also an inside joke.**

**If you don't review, someone will say 'Yeah, a baby', and Roy and I will suffocate by laughing. Save Roy's and me's lungs. Review.**


	12. Brandon and Orlando Bloom

**WOAH IT'S BEEN AN ASSLOAD LONG TIME!!! Oh well, I've updated now so settle down and eat yer holiday leftovers like the pigs that you all are. Just kidding! I'm so evil.**

**ROLL CAMERAS! AND WERE THE HELL IS MY DONUT??? ARE YOU PEOPLE INEPT AT EVERYTHING?**

"Ok you guys," Greed said to everyone in the circle. "I have a solution for this whole door-being-knocked-down-thing. If we just ignore the person who comes in, maybe they'll go away and it will stop."

Then… a giant turtle singing 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star' ate eveyone! Naw, just kidding. The door was knocked down. It was Wrath!

"BRANDON WILL MOLEST YOUR DAUGHTERS!" he cried out, then cackled evilly.

"Who is Brandon and why does he want to molest my daughters?" Winry asked in a frightened voice.

"Who said anything about Brandon molesting your daughters? CHICKEN!" Wrath asked Winry.

"Chicken? Why did you say chicken?" Winry replied.

"What the hell are you talking about? Who said anything about chicken? ROCK LOBSTER!" Wrath said.

"I told you to ignore him!" Greed yelled at Winry, then put his fingers in his ears and hummed.

"Just get in the circle Wrath," Ed sighed.

"PORK CHOPS AND APPLE SAUCE! Okay!" Wrath said happily, then sat down in the circle next to Greed and Envy.

"Do you have some problem where you scream out random things or something?" Greed asked.

"WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE? Yes, why do you ask?" Wrath replied.

"Er… nevermind."

"Okay, so it's… Greed's turn." Ed said.

"Hmm… I dare Wrath to talk non-stop for the next five minutes. That should be entertaining."

"Alright!" Wrath said enthusiastically. Then he began. "I have this friend. STEVE THE PIRATE! Let's call him Phil. RUN FOREST, RUN! If Phil through a banana peel on the floor, THE PANDAS ARE COMING, and let a poor a homeless child fall to his horrible and painful death, I WANT TO GO TO DISNEYWORLD, would you? Speaking of nail polish, WHY DON'T YOU BURN IN HELL, the sparkly purple color really doesn't look good on me, BYE OLD PERSON, which is weird since you would think it would match my eyes, I HAVE A CRUSH ON EVERY BOY, so today I just went with a simple pink, I MET A POSSUM, but maybe it's a bit too robust for me, I CHOOSE YOU PIKACHU, I don't know. Have you ever put a piece of gum in your mouth, WHERE ARE THE CHEETOS, then you forget about it and put another piece in until you chew the entire pack, DID I ASK YOU TO TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS, and then you just throw it out a second later cause your hungry?"

"That wasn't even close to five minutes," Greed said, after he was sure Wrath was done talking.

"Whatever, SOMEONE BLESS AMERICA! I want to dare someone now. I dare Winry to tell us her life long dream."

"Well it's kind of long and detailed but okay. I want to marry Orlando Bloom then live in a mansion with him by the ocean in Hawaii with our 803 children who are all boys and have names like Bertha, Betty, Beatrice, and Kennedy, because the name Kennedy means ugly head, and we'll have our own private beach with Internet access and lots and lots of cheesecake and I have my own television show about automail," Winery said all in one breath.

"Hey that's my dream you stole it!" Ed shouted angrily at Winry. Everyone stared at Ed with shock and confusion. "Um… I meant… hey that's my… cream… you stole it…" Ed said nervously.

"Your cream?" Winry asked suspiciously.

"Yes… my um… face cream…" Ed replied with shifty eyes.

"I didn't steal your face cream, Ed."

"Well maybe I like cheesecake too, okay?" Ed said defensively.

"Okay I'm just going to go ahead and dare someone. I dare Ed to eat until he's fat since he loves cheesecake so much." Winry said.

"Yay! Bring on the lard!" Ed said cheerfully.

--INTERMISSION-- We will have an intermission as Ed stuffs his face with various fattening foods.

"Ed… I think your fat now, you can stop eating," Roy said to Ed, who looked like he weighed about 300 pounds.

"Nope, I still have a little more room left," Ed said, eating a whole pecan pie in one bite.

--INTERMISSION 2--We will now have another intermission as Ed stuffs his face with even more food as I hum the jeopardy theme song.

Well, when Ed looked like he weighed about 700 pounds, Ed finally stopped eating.

"Am I fat now?" Ed asked.

"No, you passed fat at about the 60th chicked wing and now your just slightly passed morbidly obese." Riza said matter-of-factly.

"Great! Ok now I'll dare someone. I dare-" Ed began, but was stopped by Winry clapping her hand over his mouth.

"You know who he dares? He dares himself to loose all the weight he just put on before his heart gives out. So start running!" Winry demanded.

"But I can't move," Ed said after Winry took her hand off his face.

"Your going to move and your going to like it!" Winry said menacingly, then reached into her pocket to pull out her wrench.

"Okay I'll move!" Ed tried to stand up, but he couldn't. "Can't I just roll?"

"No!" Winry shouted and tried to pull Ed up.

"Well that's hopeless. How about we all just move on?" Al suggested. Everyone nodded and left fat Ed and Winry to fend for themselves.

**Well it sucked, but at least I did it.**

**Oh and by the way, Winry's life's dream is actually my life's dream but it's a cooking show instead of an automail show.**

**Everytime you don't review, Ed will eat another whole pie and keep getting fatter and fatter until he becomes completely un-sexy and the female race as we know it will cease to exist. Save Ed's sexiness, Review. For the love of God, review!**


	13. Brad Pitt and Marshmallows

**Ello poppits! Yeah, yeah it's been along time again but I've been sick for the past four months so get over it. Anemia sucks. So does the medication for it. Bleh. But I just got back from Disneyland! Woot. Ok I'm going to stop rambling on about myself and start the fan fiction. Even though I should be practicing my flute for the chair test. Whatever.**

As Ed began his intense exercise plan by Richard Simmons, the rest of the extremely large group, that can somehow fit in one room, began playing again.

"Oh my gawd gal pals I have the most totally awesome idea!" Hughes said in his now girly voice, while jumping into the air and freezing there for a few seconds with sparkles (borrowed from Armstrong) surrounding him.

"Oooo! I wanna try!" Envy said, trying to jump up and freeze in the air but instead he fell off a random cliff that somehow materialized under into the Never-Ending Pit of Doom, and as he fell he yelled, "Nooooooo! Brad Pitt I love yoooouuuuu!"

"That was cool. Ok Hughes, what's your idea?" Havoc asked.

"Ok well, if we go like outside, then nobody can like burst through the door or whatever," Hughes suggested.

"That ideas so smart it might just not work! Wait a minute… erm… nevermind. Lets just do what he said," Roy said.

So they all went outside and sat in a circle like one of those hippie drum circle things (no offense to hippies) and started to play again.

"Ok, well, it's Ed's turn, so…" Russell said, and everyone looked over at Ed as he was doing jumping jacks in a purple tracksuit with short shorts while being directed by Richard Simmons.

"That's almost as scary as Brittany Spears' new hairstyle," Roy said.

"Well, that comment was lame in a cool way. Anyway, hey Ed!" Russell called out.

Ed looked towards the others and called out, "Yeah?"

"It's your turn!"

"Ok… I dare… Armstrong… to find Brad Pitt… and have him rescue… Envy from… the Never-Ending Pit of Doom." Ed said between pants.

"I accept your challenge!" Armstrong said, and ran away to go find Brad Pitt. He returned in about a minute holding Brad Pitt under his arm like a football.

"Wow Armstrong that was fast," Havoc commented.

"I'm scared," Brad muttered.

"Now go save Envy!" Armstrong yelled, throwing Brad into the Never-Ending Pit of Doom. At first the just heard Brad's screams mixed with Envy's, then Brad came flying out of the Never-Ending Pit of Doom carrying Envy bridal-style in his arms.

"Oh my God, it's Brad Pitt!" Envy squealed. Brad threw Envy on the ground as Roy ran up to him with sparkles in his eyes.

"Who are you?" Roy said, mystified.

"Roy, it's Brad Pitt, we already went over this," Riza stated.

"I'm just your friendly neighborhood Brad Pitt!" Brad said heroically as he flew away.

"Wow!" Everyone exclaimed.

"Hey guys!" Ed said, jumping out from nowhere, completely thin again.

"Wow Ed, you got thin fast!" Winry said.

"Hai, tomodachi! Kyou wa totemo totemo atsui!" Ed said ("Yes, friend. It is very very hot today!" Give me a break guys, I'm only in Japanese 1). "Sorry, I had a Canadian moment."

"But you spoke Japanese," Winry pointed out.

"Si."

"I give up on life," Winry said dramatically.

"Woah, emo much, HOT PANTS ARE MY BEST FRIEND!?" Wrath asked and yelled.

"Hey everybody, no one burst through the door this time!" Havoc said excitedly.

"Oh yeah!" Everyone said. But before the celebrations with a piñata could begin, a small creeking sound came from the house. Everyone looked over and saw Lust slowly opening the door.

"Hey there you guys are!" Lust said.

"DAMN IT!!!" Everyone yelled.

"Well, she didn't actually knock _down _the door," Russell said.

"Oh yeah, sorry," Lust said. She grabbed the door and pulled it off its hinges.

Everyone groaned, and then Fury said, "Yo dawg, Lust, just get in the circle."

"How did you get in my house, anyway?" Winry asked.

"Through the window," Lust explained.

"Ok, but why?"

"I really, really don't know," Lust said, shaking her head.

"Armstrong, it's your turn," Winry said after looking at Lust weirdly for a moment.

"Beck Jones, it's your turn!" Al said in a really creepy voice in that scary chibi (oxymoron?) way he can say things in. Everyone looked at him with frightened faces, and then he looked downward and said, "sorry."

"Thank you for that spendid... thing, Alphonse. I believe that I will dare Lust to roast marshmallows for all of us on her long sharp fingers!" Armstrong said in the cool way he says things (omg I'm tired).

"I feel so violated," Lust said as she stuck marshmallows on her fingers and everyone else made a fire.

In the process of putting marshmallows on her fingers, Lust accidentally speared one of Armstrongs blue sparkles.

"NOO! MY BABY!" Armstrong cried, yanking the blue sparkle off of Lust's finger and cradling it in his arms. He pulled out bandages from nowhere and put one on both sides of the sparkle's hole. Now one of Armstrong's sparkles and a bandage on it as it floated around him.

The fire soon began to burn and the marshmallows where on Lust's fingers. As she extended them over the fire, everyone clapped.

"Didn't it cross anyone's mind that this would be extremely painful for me?" Lust asked everyone.

"Well we figured if you could stretch them that far then they can feel no pain," Havoc said.

"Well that is a perfectly logical assumption my good man," she replied intelligently with a British accent and one of those circle eyepiece things with a chain on it and a tweed over coat and a pipe and… sorry.

So they all ate their marshmallows in peace, except for Wrath because he was allergic to them so he started writhing on the floor and swelling up and couldn't breathe but no one cared so he died. Just kidding! But he still might. I'm not saying he won't. Muwahaha!

**Oh wow. I'm sorry. This is the most random, stupid thing I have ever seen. It was like a train wreck. It just got worse and worse but I wouldn't stop. But I guess that's what happens when I eat snickers, sixlets, and have three large mug-fulls of purple Snow White hot chocolate. So right about now I don't care if the chapter sucks, I just want to run around crazily then pass out in a random place.**

**If you don't review, Wrath WILL die, and it will be your fault and you will have to live with the shame of taking another persons life, and when your 30 and you can't bare the guilt any longer you will jump off the roof of your eight story apartment and your family will be very sad. If you have a family by then. Hopefully you will. Review.**


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